Be A Good Husband
God created man and woman. Marriage was God's idea, and He knows how to make marriage work.
Follow any plan other than God's at your own risk!
MARK 10:6-9 NKJ
6 "But from the beginning of the creation, God `made them male and female.'
7 `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,
8 and the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.
9 "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
A husband is responsible to provide for his wife and family -- spiritually, physically, and financially.
1 TIMOTHY 5:8 NKJ
8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
If we try to provide on our own, we will fail. So we must rely on God, trusting Him to enable us. Actually, God is the Provider. We are just His representatives.
1 CORINTHIANS 11:3 NKJ
3 But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
Do Not Divorce
Divorce is not God's plan for you. God wants to use the marriage you are in to get you to face your inadequacy and turn to Him for help. Through facing your difficulties, you will be changed and become more like Jesus.
If you divorce someone for a selfish reason -- you are not obeying God's command to love.
1 CORINTHIANS 7:27-28,33 NKJ
27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife.
28 But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you.
33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world -- how he may please his wife.
MATTHEW 5:31-32 NKJ
31 "Furthermore it has been said, `Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.'
32 "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.
MATTHEW 19:3-9 NKJ
3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"
4 And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning `made them male and female,'
5 "and said, `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?
6 "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"
8 He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."
LUKE 16:18 NKJ
18 "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.
1 CORINTHIANS 7:10-13 NKJ
10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband.
11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.
13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.
Put Jesus First
LUKE 14:26 NKJ
26 "If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.
God allows nothing else to come before Him. You need to put God first, anyway. Without relying on God you will fail. You need God's help to be a good husband.
Love Your Wife
EPHESIANS 5:21,25-33 NKJ
21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it,
26 that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
To love his wife as Christ loves the church, a husband must be willing to die for his wife. Not only should we be prepared to die physically, but to die to our selfish desires and plans.
Do Not Be Bitter
COLOSSIANS 3:19 NKJ
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
Men see women as both exquisite and exasperating. They are tempted, at different times, to love them and to hate them.
God's plan is for women to think and act differently than men -- and thus exasperate men at times. The differences give opportunity to reject selfishness and walk in divine love. Thank God for the differences.
1 PETER 3:7 NKJ
7 Likewise you husbands, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
Don't expect a woman to think like you or act like you. Knowledge and understanding about being a good husband must be sought -- don't assume you already know all you should. Be sensitive, be considerate, and ask God to give you understanding. And always honor and praise your wife.
1 PETER 3:8-11 NKJ
8 Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous;
9 not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.
10 For "He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking guile;
11 let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.
One of the most helpful things in marriage is to practice "not returning evil for evil" (1 Peter 3:9). It is inevitable that offenses will come, that you will be hurt. When that happens, you have a choice: do I lash back and hurt them, or, do I walk in love. If you allow what your spouse does to make you respond in kind, then your spouse is controlling you. Is that what you want?
Ways Of Expressing Love
Because the Bible commands husbands to love their wife, husbands should think about how their love can be expressed. Here are some ways:
- acts of service
- quality time
Listen to your wife. Think about her needs. Protect her from harm -- including work overload. Express your appreciation for all she does. Never criticize or put her down. She needs to know she is important to you and doing a good job. She needs tangible reminders of your continuing love and affection.
Communication is important to your wife. You must work at, and learn to be, a good listener. Let your wife talk without criticizing or correcting her. Women often get satisfaction just from being listened to.
Don't feel you have to give a solution to everything your wife tells you. Don't take personally everything she says.
Women are different than men. Read some good books on marriage by Christian authors and follow their advice on how to treat your wife.
Affection And Attention
1 CORINTHIANS 7:3-5 NKJ
3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
In general, the physical side of marriage is more important to men, and the emotional is more important to women. In other words, your wife's feelings are very important.
Multiple wives were sometimes allowed in Old Testament times, but the New Testament makes clear a husband should have only one (living) wife.
1 TIMOTHY 3:2 NKJ
2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach;
1 TIMOTHY 3:12 NKJ
12 Let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.
TITUS 1:6 NKJ
6 if a man is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of dissipation or insubordination.
Submit To Each Other
Ephesians 5:21 and 1 Peter 5:5 tell us to submit to one another -- not just wives to their husbands. She knows things you do not. You will be cheated in life if you squelch her and do not receive her help and input.
Both men and women have inherent strengths and weaknesses, which, when combined in a godly marriage where both walk in divine love, produce something stronger than any individual.
EPHESIANS 5:21 NKJ
21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.
1 PETER 5:5 NKJ
5 Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
Submitting is the opposite of rebelling. Submitting will often be hard on the flesh. You can argue about your rights -- or you can die to your self, take up your cross, and follow Jesus.
Life is preparation for eternity. And God's plan is for you to be conformed to the likeness of Jesus Christ. That means all selfishness and rebelliousness has to go.
ROMANS 8:29 NKJ
29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.
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